I will spill tears again this week.
Very, very tired.
I end up pretending to be a "good girl" when asked to do so.
I worry about what people around me say.
I pretend I don't care, but I do care a lot.
I am always afraid of hurting people with my words.
I act confident, but I am always afraid.
You are afraid of making mistakes, and your body shrinks for fear of being offended. I can't get my mouth around it.
And when they do make a move, they regret it, saying, "Oh, I've failed.
You don't seem to have any worries?
That's not true, then why do I cry so much?
Frustration and remorse will continue until you close your eyes, sleep and purify.
Last year, I expressed my own state of mind by focusing on vortexes and waves.
I wanted to go further and express the darkness of my heart, which was the impetus for the production.
At one time, when my work environment changed drastically
I used to go home crying on the train every weekend.
When the pain was compounded by the uncertainty and hardship in my home environment, nothing was fun.
There were times when I couldn't come up with any ideas for paintings.
Now I live and work in a different environment than I did then.
I have more responsibilities.
I am much better able to overcome the pain of the past.
I have fewer ideas than in the past.
I would like to keep painting until I no longer have to squeeze out my thoughts.
