The narrative reveals a glimpse of a Chinese living mask, symbolizing my attempt to blend in and avoid ridicule, despite living a challenging life and being in a danger zone.
The reason is that when I was a child, I contacted girls and kissed them, which was nice, and I didn't think about anything else. I told my father that, but he didn't like it, and from that point on, he changed me and gave me social anxiety. My father's actions were foolish, as he was not a sweet and affectionate father. He didn't care about his son; he knew he could change my mind by treating me harshly, so no matter what I did or said, I wasn't decent enough. He often grabbed me hard, scolded me, and humiliated me in front of other people, making me scared and quiet. The issue also stemmed from the people who witnessed this behavior, who lacked the courage to intervene, and who failed to provide me with support, love, or life lessons. As a child, I had to incomprehensibly manage myself. Life has been challenging, frustrating, and confusing without the presence of sweetness, protection, and love. At the age of 33, I experienced a sudden and severe depression for no apparent reason. Despite my efforts to seek professional help, my anxiety persisted, leaving my life feeling hopeless and difficult. Eventually, at the age of 45, I managed to secure an early retirement.
The lines and dots surrounding the eyes of the Chinese living mask suggest that what I perceive is evil and untrue, while the sight of a beautiful woman evokes fear and reticence in me. The heart tells us that love is the most important thing for being content and feeling good.
