I have painted it because I am not always happy inside, but many people expect me to be happy when I am with them, but I am not perfect as a human being, I have feelings inside. 😞 The painting is a proof of my own frustrations, dreams and thoughts. 🌻❤
The painting is mixed media and abstract on canvas, I have painted it abstract because it is unrelated to reality. In the background you can see a smiling face and graffiti numbers and letters, I have painted it because I feel I have to show more the perfect and cool exterior, and less my vulnerability, not to be rejected, because I live in a serious and tough world where I am treated as one thing. People who expect me to give them a good day, I do not want in my life, I can not be myself, they are not sweet but self-absorbed and evil. I made the eyes with gold glitter because you look at what you want. I have painted tribal art like circles, squares, sun and zig zag lines to illustrate freedom and being oneself. The gold glitter flowers are signs of sweetness and beauty that I desire. The sign cross illustrates that I must die and the drawn hearts are what I want. The keywords fake and fake look are signs of what I do not like about people, they lie, show they are perfect, but in reality are something else. I have written the keywords harmony, love, sweet, kiss in gold glitter, fuck, sex, peace, be yourself, smile and need because it is something I want, but which I do not experience. The keywords magic, know, lesson, mind and cool are something I have to master in my world to get all my needs fulfilled. The keywords born & death are something I can not avoid. The numbers and letters at the top and right of the edge of the painting are signs that I need to learn a lot before I can commit myself in society, which I do not like. All the happy colors illustrate joy and love, the opposite of what I experience in my world as being more serious and tough.
